Hi, Chickadee.
Above ^^ is a sign I read in a hospital waiting room a few days ago. It's one of the top hospitals in the country, and they can't afford Es?
The DIY sign reminded me of a message I saw earlier that day in a public restroom. It was taped inside the stall:
PLEASE DO NOT VIOLATE THE TOILET BY FLUSHING
ANYTHING THAT SHOULD NOT BE FLUSHED HERE
Set aside that violate for a moment (a word that feels unnecessarily charged... time-sharing as it does half its letters with violent).
Instead, let's focus on the goal of the restroom sign: It's a mess. (It puts the mess into message lol.) A lot of words. And still it's unclear.
"Anything that should not be flushed" is waaaay too open to interpretation.
If we had a shared understanding of what's flushable... that sign wouldn't be necessary.
Isn't that the whole problem?
* * *
I always imagine the frustration that fuels signs like these posted in public buildings and institutions around the world. Crudely printed on a shared office printer. Hastily taped up or trapped behind a plastic standee.
Each one is a story of a broken system, inefficiency, or fed-up frontline staff taking things into their own hands ferpetessake.
I picture the maintenance staff, summoned for the third time that month to retrieve from the pipes someone's false teeth or a stuffed animal or whathaveyou.
"That's it!" Maintenance Guy says, emerging with his plunger dripping. "ARTHUR!" he shouts toward the guy at the front desk. "We're gonna need to post a sign!"
It's why they're written in ALL SHOUTY CAPS: They're pure rage.
If I were in charge of Customer Experience at these institutions... I'd start by addressing the problems these signs seek to correct.
* * *
I see it all the time in messaging copy. Maybe you do, too?
We write as if we picked up a bunch of words as free agents at the NFL Draft. Then we pile them all into the sentence.
More players on a field means more of a chance of scoring, right?
No. That's not how words work. (Or sports, I guess.)
Usually there's an important message trapped in the copy. But the goal gets lost. Tackled by too many words.
Our actual job as writers is to make the world a little more clear.
A little less cluttered.
A little less ugly.
* * *
Â
Let's live-edit the restroom sign together... using an easy four-step framework you can use to unclog (!) your own copy.
Here we go.....
> Draft 1. Put all your players on the field. Let them all out on the dance floor. Write your face off. Unleash your wild words all over the page.
I am intentionally stuffing this bullet with too many metaphors to demonstrate the first draft in a meta way. You can mix metaphors with as much abandon as college kids mix up a barrel full of Jungle Juice at a party.
> Draft 2. Keep only your strongest players. Make each word earn a spot on the roster.
PRO TIP: Are you saying anything unnecessarily ugly?
"Violate" is ugly. Back to the sidelines, Violate!
> Draft 3. Invite your reader in. Consider context: What is in the mind of your readers? Will they immediately understand the point? The goal?
If we invite the reader into our... uh, stall: That "should not be..." needs to go.
What's more: Is it really about flushing? Shouldn't we be addressing the throwing of stuff into the toilet? The action we need to interrupt? The action that leads to the clogging of pipes and Maintenance Guy bellowing at Arthur?
The entire approach needs a makeover.
> Draft 4. Is it enjoyable? Will it make people think? Smile? Laugh? Will it stop them in their tracks?
That's the one job of copy, isn't it?
To not let anyone gloss over it? To be momentarily memorable?
PRO TIP: Don't sacrifice clarity for clever. Start with clear. Layer on clever. Go back to Draft 3 if you need to.
* * *
I know you didn't open this letter to read about signs in a toilet stall. But that's the kind of week I had LOL. And honestly... we're in this deep. Let's finish it now.
Where does that leave us?
Â
PLEASE DO NOT VIOLATE THE TOILET BY FLUSHING
ANYTHING THAT SHOULD NOT BE FLUSHED HERE
Â
becomes
THROW ONLY TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET
Seriously. Not even if it says it's flushable.
Â
* * *
Â
Ah. Much better, yes?
Use this same framework to unclog your own copy.
Clearer copy will no longer be a pipe dream.
Give it a try; don't stall.
Loo and behold! Your customers will lav you!
And I'll stop with the puns now.
* * *
Â
⚔️ $WORD COIN GIVEAWAY!Â
Since this week is all about mighty Words... I am giving away my own currency of
$WORD coins (as of today, 1 $WORD = $13.53) to the first 20 people who reply to this email with their Rally.io ID.
If you don't have a Rally ID, you can set one up for free here:
Rally.io.
Â
That's it. Easy? Peasy.
To claim yours: Reply to this email with your Rally account name. (Say hi, too.) I'll give 3 coins to you and 19 others.
* * *
đź“– EVERYBODY WRITES Tip of the Fortnight
9 ways to use fewer words:
Ways by which > Ways
Continues to be > Remains
In order to > To
There are/will be times when > Sometimes
Despite the fact that > Although
At which time > When
When it comes to > In, When
The majority of > Most
When asked > Asked
Â
CONTENT TOOLS
A content tool I used this week.
OneLook is a search engine that aggregates word definitions from over 1,061 indexed dictionaries. Visually, it's a bit overwhelming—so it took me a minute to get used to its sorting + searching. Stick with it: it's useful for not just defining words... but also finding them when you're like
what's a word that means....?
Â
DEPARTMENT OF SHENANIGANS
Â
